I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize