I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
