but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize