And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
