so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
