Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
