i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize