I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
