my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
