i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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