i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I AM VODKA MAN
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
