That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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