PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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