Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
