just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
