just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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