my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
