twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
