Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
