I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
