Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize