the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
