I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
