Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
