Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
