I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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