woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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