this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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