my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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