I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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