Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
