Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
