just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
