My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
