i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
