Umm I'm too high to move.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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