Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
