1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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