Cold hands, warm shart.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
