Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
