508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
