JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just want nice things and good sex
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
