Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
