I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
