You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
