Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
