Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
