Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
