Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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