I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
