btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
