Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
