i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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