So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
