dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
