Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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