Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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