i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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