some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
