Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
