when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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