I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i believe in u and ur pee
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
