Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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