someone threw a dead crab at me
barbara walters just said penis...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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