Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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