Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
