How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
