Having a random hookup so left but love u
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize