I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
